what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

today has been the saddest day i've had in MONTHS, maybe even more then months, i wasn't even this upset when buster died. it makes me long for my old office at KB. my eyes are pretty stingy. good thing i'm going to the eye dr to get new contacts next week.

so yesterday was the wedding i was not invited to... my informant told me that someone i used to know was there with his new lady friend. it's been a really long time, and i am not really surprised, but still, it hurts to hear that kind of thing.

so immediately i think, oh god, they're going to be at this upcoming wedding i'm going to also. :( just what i want to see.. not to mention i haven't seen this person (among others in 2 years). then i start thinking, god, this is making me so upset. here i am, almost 30, not seeing anyone, no closer to owning a home then i was 5 years ago. still in debt, barely saving for retirement. in two years these other people have bought homes, are married... who knows what else. i feel so unaccomplished.

so... what better way to feel better then to think out loud and make some lists.

why it will be better if i don't go.
- it will cost TG and FC less $.
- i won't have to see JT, TM or NS.
- i won't have to wear a dress.
- FC and TG will be so busy they won't even notice that i'm not there.
- the people i would be going to see and be hanging out with i see on a regular basis.
- i might cry.

why i should go.
- maybe i can have some sort of closure, (or at least know what to expect in the future for LM's wedding). i'll have to see JT at some point again probably...
- FC and TG asked me to be there.

why i'm better off without NS...
- i don't cry everytime i get in my car any more.
- he "wasn't that into me".
- we were incompatible in the bedroom.
- i've met a lot of nice people out of the whole situation, and made new friends.
- i tasted life in brighton, something i will always look back fondly at.

conclusion...
i guess laying it all out and taking a step back, it's going to be an uncomfortable 5 or so hours out of my life. there is always the bar. and worst case, i can leave early. and i'm dying to find out what the "silver lining" on this cloud is going to be. it'll have to be good. plus what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

i'm curious to hear your thoughts.